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Beasties and Baddies of the Barony

If you're going to do adventuring, you might as well get to know what you'll most likely have to go against, right?

"Right!" you say rather unenthusiastically.

Well then, you've come to the right place! Here you'll find pictures of the baddies you'll face in your trek through Spielburg!

(I lost my cameraman while he was taking the final snapshots. Fortunately the camera survived, as did the cameraman's left shoe!)

I'll give you the beasties from the official F.A.C.S. survival ratings, from most likely to get away in one piece, to most likely to be eaten in one piece.











Saurus Rex



Rate of survival: A+

Saurus (VGA)FACS: Creatures of enormous appetites and very little brain, Sauruses tend to do a lot of running around. The Saurus is scaly and lizard-like with highly developed hind quarters upon which it runs, and small, under-developed front legs used to grasp food. its large mouth is filled with sharp teeth. Despite its fearsome appearance, it is remarkably easily defeated by the seasoned adventurer.

Saurus (EGA)Orion: Yes, Saurii are, without a doubt, the most pointless thing in existance. Not only can and experienced Adventurer down one in just a few blows... but they don't even carry cash on them to pay you for the troubles of putting them out of their miseries.

Rate of survival: A

Goblin (VGA)FACS: Goblins are short, squatty creatures living in large colonies underground. Although they seem cowardly at first encounter, they tend to observe an adventurer and assess his (or her) weaknesses. Once they regain their courage, they tend to gang up on the unsuspecting hero. It is not advisable to go exploring a goblin hole unless accompanied by a party of Dwarves.

Goblin (EGA)Orion: As an Adventurer, you either grow to love or hate these guys. Singly, they're quite easy to defeat. But when there's more than one, it's either a bloodthirsty Hero's cup of tea, or another Hero's time to flee. The money you find on their bloodied corpses afterwards makes it feel well worth it though!

Rate of survival: B

Goblin (VGA)FACS: Unfortunately, the Brigands are a more recent threat, and the Famous Adventurers Correspondence School for Adventurers was published before this band of baddies appeared.

Goblin (EGA)Orion: Well now, here's some fun for you! Once you take a hint from them and hide behind your shield (or dodge, if you happen to not carry a shield) you'll be fine. The major problem most beginning adventurers have with the members of this band of brigands is that they continue to hack and slash at the sheild, wearing themselves out and making them easier prey for the Brigand, letting them rummage through the pockets of your corpse instead of vice versa. In other words, rule number one: Mirror your opponent, then strike when they let their guard down.

Rate of survival: B

Goblin (VGA)FACS: A hungry or angry bear can be a fierce opponent. A quick swipe of sharp claws can make mincemeat of the average adventurer . A bear standing on its hind legs is obviously a bear to beware.

Goblin (EGA)Orion: Beware the bears. These beasties are better off fed. Just make sure they're not hungry and you'll get away alive.


Rate of survival: B-

Goblin (VGA)FACS: These odd creatures may be relatively new to the valley, or at least more recent than the lastest F.A.C.S. update.

Goblin (EGA)Orion: The Blue Bouncer. Big bellied bouncing blobs of bluish blubber. Relatively harmless unless provoked, these springy, squishy sacks of stuff can squash an unsuspecting soul super simply.


Rate of survival: C

Goblin (VGA)FACS: Assumed to be of magical origin, the Mantray has the abilities of camouflage, flight, and controlled lightning. Resembling a cross between a Manta Ray and a Sting Ray, it lives in forested areas where it conceals itself upon the ground, awaiting the unwary.

Goblin (EGA)Orion: Like a fish out of water, the Mantray glides through the air rather easily. Avoiding it's tail isn't what you have to look out for here, it's what comes out of the tail - if you're unable to get out of the way of the lightning this winged beastie sends your way, you're in for a shocking experience.

Rate of survival: C-

Goblin (VGA)FACS: Kobolds are distant relatives of dwarves, although neither will admit it. They live in caves deep underground and shun sunlight and outsiders. Small and spindly, they do not fight very well. However, they can be powerful magic users and enchanters, so it best to be cautious around them.

Goblin (EGA)Orion: The Kobold can be quite a fight for even a seasoned adventurer. It's best to keep a distance - attacking with anything you can, be it daggers or spells, while avoiding the Kobolds own attacks against you. If you lack the throwing arm or mana, brace yourself for a few spells to the face as you confront this foe.

Rate of survival: D

Goblin (VGA)FACS: The Cheetaur is noted for its speed and cunning. This cat-like creature with a humanoid torso has a deadly slashing combination of claws and bite. The northern variety is more panther-like and slower at running than its slender southern cousin, but retains its swiftness in attack. Fortunately for the local inhabitants, Cheetaurs never prosper in the colder regions.

Goblin (EGA)Orion: Cat-hybrids are abundant in Gloriana. They range from the more docile Katta, to the Honorable and noble Liontaurs, and here we have the more feral and ferocious Cheetaur. A double threat with these guys, you not only have to deal with fangs, but there's razor-sharp claws you've got to keep an eye out for as well. Should you have the skill to defeat a Cheetaur, don't forget to de-claw the beast and take your trophies to the local healer.

Rate of survival: D

Goblin (VGA)FACS: Large, sly, and generally nasty, the common northern hemisphere Troll is extremely sensitive to sunlight, so he lives in dark places and travels mainly at night. The skin of a Troll is like heavy armor and resists damage from weapons and fire. Unfortunately, the common southern hemisphere Troll, while not as tough as his cousin, has a disgusting habit of rapid regeneration and can heal wounds almost as quickly as a Hero can make them. Fire prevents such regeneration. In general, it is always wise to know which hemisphere one is in when dealing with Trolls. The beard of a Troll is frequently used in making potions.

Goblin (EGA)Orion: Nighttime menaces, the Troll only appear once the sun has set. They're large, rather fast, and able to withstand a lot of damage. Many adventures seek them out for their beards, as FACS states. The local apothecary should know what to do with the facial fuzz, once you get your hands on it.


Rate of survival: D-

Goblin (VGA)FACS: Ogres are big, ugly and stupid. They are also very strong and aggressive. Their hobbies include crunching bones and smashing skulls. They tend to carry around their prized possessions in chests. It is not clear where the chests come from, why Ogres get them, or how Ogres even open the chests. These are topics of heated debate among scholars.

Goblin (EGA)Orion: This isn't the Pixar version of the creature. He may be slow, and stupid, but his strength more than makes up for the lack of other traits. Avoid attacks at all cost - remember "A mace to the face will make you race with haste to the nearest plastic surgeons place."


Saurus Rex:
Rate of survival: E

Goblin (VGA)FACS: This monster resembles a Saurus on steroids. Recommended strategy for encounters: Run away!

Goblin (EGA)Orion: I really can't stress the importance of the Famous Adventurer's strategy for taking on the Saurus Rex. It's mean, it's fierce, and worst of all - there's absolutely no rewards for taking on one of these steroidal saurii.


Rate of survival: E-

Goblin (VGA)FACS: Minotaurs are half-man, half-bovine creatures of great strength. They tend to be extremely bull-headed and charge ahead when ever they see red. Some do, however, take more after the human side of the family. When intelligence combines with this sheer brute force, you have a foe worthy of a Hero's skills.

Goblin (EGA)Orion: Provided you're actually able to take on this massively muscular minotaur, expect the toughest fight of your heroic career. Toro may be bull, but he's also a disgruntled employee - and if you've ever worked retail, you'll know the poor guy's feelings - he's 'not a people person' - be perpared for the fight of your (probably short) life.